every sensitive person will find these feelings and reactions in a similar form within himself. Spirituality is not about being or wanting to become an ideal human being. If you remember our telephone conversation, I said that every human being is fragmentary within himself and only integration into the Divine can bring peace.
So it is not about conformity, but about the skillful management of our emotional forces. This happens above all in a faithful and regular effort to take God more important than being preoccupied with oneself. In fact, the paradox holds true: the less you 'dig around' in feelings, the faster everything finds its place. Similar to water: if you try to create a flat plane by stroking over moving water, it is endless. But if you leave the water alone, it quickly becomes wonderfully flat.
The person is also never sure - today someone tells you this and tomorrow that. If, on the other hand, you pay attention to the silence, and consciously perceive the space, there IS already silence there. In it, we ARE already good, not in the personal qualities.
I don't want anything from you and I don't want to put pressure on you, rather I want to help you not to put pressure on YOURSELF.
Sensitivity is necessary, we train it. 'Sensitive-me' is the eternally restless ego through its reactions and self-centeredness. If writing it down helps you to see the feelings calmly and to RELEASE them, it is good. If it makes you more tangled, it is not helpful.
When many thoughts occur during meditation time, skillful management begins. You can, for example, look at the picture, you can entrust yourself prayerfully, can repeat a mantra, can chant, you can even walk while doing it. Developing this skill is a fruit of practice because we can ALWAYS align ourselves. So this is much more than rigidly pushing through a technique. It is the faithful constancy that releases God's help in us, His grace that ultimately makes the water level.
Best regards from Reinhard